🟡 Fool’s Gold at Fenway: Rafaela’s 308-Foot Miracle Masks a Mess
Fenway Park giveth, and Fenway Park covereth thy sins. 🙃
Last night, Ceddanne Rafaela hit what might go down as the most embarrassing "walk-off home run" in baseball history — a 308-foot pop-fly that somehow slithered around the Pesky Pole and landed in the laps of 37 stunned fans and one drunken seagull. 🎯
Statcast said it loud and clear: that “home run” would’ve been out in exactly ONE ballpark. Guess which one? Yup. This dump.
🎪 The Illusion of a Comeback
If you didn't watch the game (and honestly, good for your mental health if you didn't), Lucas Giolito returned from whatever dimension he was hiding in and reminded us all why the White Sox paid him to leave.
1.2 innings. 7 earned runs.
That’s not a start — that’s an active crime scene. 🚨🩸
The bullpen pieced together 7+ innings of sheer panic and duct tape. Zach Kelly, Greg Weissert, and Cooper Criswell all took turns in the blender, with Criswell somehow earning the win despite being the pitching equivalent of a shrug emoji.
💣 Offense or Optical Illusion?
Sure, the Sox put up 11 runs, but let’s not pretend this was some offensive clinic. It was more like watching two drunk toddlers try to outdo each other with noise. 🤡
Every hit felt accidental. Every run felt unearned. Every fan in the bleachers felt the creeping dread of knowing this team still has no identity, no direction, and no starting rotation worth a damn.
📉 Where We Really Stand
We’re 30–34. That’s four games under .500 and 9 games back of the Yankees, who continue to win actual baseball games with actual talent and actual pitching.
Meanwhile, we’re banking wins on 300-foot prayers and praying Chris Sale doesn’t sue us for emotional damages. 🙄
🧨 Final Thought
So yeah, we “won.” But if you walked away from that game feeling better about this team, check your meds. Rafaela’s Little League home run was cute, but it doesn't erase the dumpster fire that is our rotation, our inconsistency, or the fact that Giolito’s ERA should come with a trigger warning.
Enjoy the fool’s gold, Sox fans. This ain’t sustainable.
But hey, at least we’re not the A’s. Yet. 😵💫
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